By Ibrahim Ndamwe
He was propped up on the sofa,
his feet on the coffee table, a
mug of hot chocolate in hand,
mulling over the shilling�s free
fall when an aide tiptoed to his
side. "Eh, mutongoria, sorry, sir,
but you have a phone call. He
says it�s urgent � something
about a riot in East London..."
The old man smirked and lifted his
eyes reluctantly from his
grandson�s drawing of a pink
elephant.
"Very naughty, this people. Who
would nickname some part of
Dandora, �East London?�
The aide shifted nervously on one
foot.
"Sorry, sir, but it�s not..." he
began before he was cut off by
the big man.
"Why is Iteere calling me? Tell him
to discuss it with Ojode or
Saitoti."
The aide shifted some more. "Eh,
it�s not Iteere calling, sir. It�s
Cameron, James Cameron and the
riots are in East London �
Britain."
"Oh! I see! And why didn�t you
say that? Give me the phone...
Hello, James � long time old chap.
How is the missus? I have been
meaning to drop by a for a short
State visit but am overwhelmed
� too much road construction
going on here and all manner of
reforms.
English tea
But that�s not an excuse for
you not to bring Mrs Cameron
and the children over for a bit of
sunshine. They would love fooling
around the Mara, am sure. It�s a
bit chilly here, though, but
nothing a hot cup of English tea
from Kericho can�t heal. Haa haa
haa! Oh, yes!"
His practiced ear, however, told
him the young man on the other
end of the line was impatient,
nervous even.
"Yes. Yeah. What? No, no, no!
GSU? No, hakuna haja! These boys
are no joke and frankly, I don�t
think your problems are that
serious, yet. Have they torched
any churches, uprooted railway
lines or blocked school children
from going to school?
"Any rapes or murders, corpses
on the highway? Are the Irish
clobbering the Scots, crazed
gangs armed with crude weapons
prowling streets and screaming,
�Cameron must go!�?
"No-o! Don�t panic! Okay, let�s
do this � if things are still
elephant tomorrow, send me a
telex. Yes, I have to make it
formal � damn this new
Constitution. Am sure my man at
Vigilance House can arrange a
platoon or two but then you
might also need Dr Alfred Mutua
to smoothen out things with the
media. Jolly good chap, that boy.
Don�t worry about Obama � I will
speak with his grandma. Don�t
mention it. What are friends for?"
For a moment, he was tempted
to call Mzee Daniel Arap Moi and
share the joke then he
remembered he had work to do.
"Hey, ask Saitoti to telephone
our man in London and instruct
him to issue a travel advisory
immediately. There is no need to
create one � he can cut and
paste the very same ones the
Britsh issue whenever there is a
tyre burst in Kayole.".
He was propped up on the sofa,
his feet on the coffee table, a
mug of hot chocolate in hand,
mulling over the shilling�s free
fall when an aide tiptoed to his
side. "Eh, mutongoria, sorry, sir,
but you have a phone call. He
says it�s urgent � something
about a riot in East London..."
The old man smirked and lifted his
eyes reluctantly from his
grandson�s drawing of a pink
elephant.
"Very naughty, this people. Who
would nickname some part of
Dandora, �East London?�
The aide shifted nervously on one
foot.
"Sorry, sir, but it�s not..." he
began before he was cut off by
the big man.
"Why is Iteere calling me? Tell him
to discuss it with Ojode or
Saitoti."
The aide shifted some more. "Eh,
it�s not Iteere calling, sir. It�s
Cameron, James Cameron and the
riots are in East London �
Britain."
"Oh! I see! And why didn�t you
say that? Give me the phone...
Hello, James � long time old chap.
How is the missus? I have been
meaning to drop by a for a short
State visit but am overwhelmed
� too much road construction
going on here and all manner of
reforms.
English tea
But that�s not an excuse for
you not to bring Mrs Cameron
and the children over for a bit of
sunshine. They would love fooling
around the Mara, am sure. It�s a
bit chilly here, though, but
nothing a hot cup of English tea
from Kericho can�t heal. Haa haa
haa! Oh, yes!"
His practiced ear, however, told
him the young man on the other
end of the line was impatient,
nervous even.
"Yes. Yeah. What? No, no, no!
GSU? No, hakuna haja! These boys
are no joke and frankly, I don�t
think your problems are that
serious, yet. Have they torched
any churches, uprooted railway
lines or blocked school children
from going to school?
"Any rapes or murders, corpses
on the highway? Are the Irish
clobbering the Scots, crazed
gangs armed with crude weapons
prowling streets and screaming,
�Cameron must go!�?
"No-o! Don�t panic! Okay, let�s
do this � if things are still
elephant tomorrow, send me a
telex. Yes, I have to make it
formal � damn this new
Constitution. Am sure my man at
Vigilance House can arrange a
platoon or two but then you
might also need Dr Alfred Mutua
to smoothen out things with the
media. Jolly good chap, that boy.
Don�t worry about Obama � I will
speak with his grandma. Don�t
mention it. What are friends for?"
For a moment, he was tempted
to call Mzee Daniel Arap Moi and
share the joke then he
remembered he had work to do.
"Hey, ask Saitoti to telephone
our man in London and instruct
him to issue a travel advisory
immediately. There is no need to
create one � he can cut and
paste the very same ones the
Britsh issue whenever there is a
tyre burst in Kayole.".
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