At the Coast, brides take
marriage counselling seriously.
LINAH BENYAWA witnessed a
counselling session and reveals
why every woman needs it
It is said good things don�t come
easy and so is a good bride. It
takes time and energy to mould
her to become every man�s
dream.
This is why brides
at the Coast seek
professional help
from traditional
marriage
counsellors on
how to treat their
men and become exceptional in the
bedroom.
It�s said that to make a man tick
when he sees you, one must be
willing to put extra effort or else
you might lose him.
Crazy Monday went on a fact-
finding mission to establish the
details of traditional marriage
training in the coastal city.
And on a chilly Friday evening, we
drove to a home in Kisauni to
witness a bride being taught and
ushered into marriage life.
Our host, the marriage teacher
popularly known as Kungwi,
ushered us into a room. It was
not an ordinary room!
It is spacious with an
exceptionally soft and clean mat
with white cotton bed sheets
spread on one end. The curtains
are shinny and the lights tuned
to create a sense of relaxation.
This is an example of a bedroom
set up, what every woman is
supposed to have. But the bed
had been removed to create
more space for the exercise.
Crucial service
"The room should always be
neat," begins the Kungwi.
We were asked to remove our
shoes and sit on a mat. And on
another mat was the bride
sitting cross-legged. She has
been in that room for almost one
week being taught various
aspects of marriage life.
"She wants my services because
she is about to get married. She
has to be taught how to keep
her husband,"
explains the
teacher.
The room has many types of
lingerie. At the corner there was
a small container with several
beaded laces, razor blades, white
handkerchiefs among other items.
These items are used to make
her ripe for womanhood.
First, she was told to remove all
her clothes and wrap herself with
a khanga (lesso). She then sat on
the mat all ears to the Kungwi.
"You see this cooking stick and a
serving spoon, the former
symbolises a husband and the
latter the bride. Like these items,
the woman must always keep her
man and herself clean," she
added.
The bride was told that every
time a couple makes love, the
wife must prepare a bath for her
husband and herself.
Sensitive area
After that, the Kungwi took a
razor blade and taught the girl
how to shave her private area
and also how to shave her
husband saying it is a sensitive
area that can influence a man to
make a return trip or vanish. She
explained that while shaving, the
woman is supposed to utter
sweet words to the husband as a
way of expressing love, adding
that she should always be down
to earth, shave tenderly and
avoid being rough and hasty.
"Though some girls usually come
here while they have already
shaved, a virgin bride has to
take lessons on shaving. When a
man sees that your privates are
neat, he will respect you," she
said.
She then removed the white
handkerchief, unwrapped it and
showed her how to cleanse her
man immediately after making
love adding that the
handkerchiefs should always be
white.
The cleaning should also be more
of a massage, adding that a man
needs to be pampered and
treated like a child, saying that is
what �sets them ablaze�.
"This white handkerchief signifies
the art of love making. It�s
supposed to be on the bed every
time the couple goes to sleep.
One is advised to have several
because it should be cleaned and
dried in a hidden place
immediately after the event," she
explained.
The bride was then given beaded
laces. The teacher then tied them
on her waist and asked her not
to remove them because they
increase sex appeal. The Kungwi
said the laces are worn in pairs,
but one can put on more.
Sensual way
And after tying the laces, she
then showed her how to shake
her waist, adding the art was
everything that a man wanted.
She then demonstrated how to
do chakacha dancing in an inviting
and sensual way to boost the
man�s morale and the woman�s
physical appeal.
"I have to teach her how to
shake her waist because it�s
every man�s dream to have his
wife do it well. It makes him go
crazy," she added.
She said the laces should be
made of white beads and an
extra one with red beads to be
won when the woman is on
monthly periods.
"You don�t have to tell your man
that you are menstruating or let
him see sanitary towels to prove
you are not available for action.
We advise wives to wear laces
with red beads during that time
to caution the husband that the
waters have been stirred," said
the Kungwi.
The teacher also cautioned the
bride to be always attentive to
avoid being sent back home if she
failed in her duty.
"I have to be careful and teach
her everything. But the buck
stops with her because she has
to be attentive and practise lest
she faces the embarrassment of
being sent back to her parents.
No man wants a lazy wife
especially in the bedroom," she
said.
Wedding night
The bride, who got married on
Saturday, said she wanted the
services of the Kungwi to become
the best wife.
"In our tradition, we have to go
through this to avoid being a
failure in marriage," said the
bride.
She revealed she
had never slept
with her boyfriend and she had to be
ready for the wedding night.
"Though it is embarrassing to
remove all the clothes in front of
a stranger and practise every
move she shows you, its worth it
because I am now aware of what
I am supposed to do when I get
married," she adds.
Apart from the bedroom
etiquette, she was also taught
how to welcome and treat her
in-laws, house keeping and
managing family affairs.
"For one week, there are several
things that I am supposed to
teach her including cooking
sumptuous meals," she added.
The Kungwi has been doing this
job for the last ten years and
says she enjoys it knowing the
lessons have made many
marriages succeed. The 50-year-
old counsellor has helped brides in
Nairobi, Nakuru Lamu, Malindi and
even Tanzania.
She has taught many brides
after learning from her aunt
since she was 15. After Form
Four, she went into dressmaking
and later engaged in business
selling lessos, handbags and other
household goods. Marriage
counselling is her part time job
and a hobby.
But the lessons are not for free.
The family of the bride has to
pay Sh2,000 and three lessos.
She said that nowadays, most
clients are already aware of
some bedroom techniques.
"A few years back, brides were
very green. They now know a lot
due to exposure to movies and
pornographic material. But some
of that material is quite
misleading," she cautioned.
"Although few brides are virgins,
some parents find it wise to have
their daughters taught to fore-
stall trouble while in marriage,"
she concludes.
marriage counselling seriously.
LINAH BENYAWA witnessed a
counselling session and reveals
why every woman needs it
It is said good things don�t come
easy and so is a good bride. It
takes time and energy to mould
her to become every man�s
dream.
This is why brides
at the Coast seek
professional help
from traditional
marriage
counsellors on
how to treat their
men and become exceptional in the
bedroom.
It�s said that to make a man tick
when he sees you, one must be
willing to put extra effort or else
you might lose him.
Crazy Monday went on a fact-
finding mission to establish the
details of traditional marriage
training in the coastal city.
And on a chilly Friday evening, we
drove to a home in Kisauni to
witness a bride being taught and
ushered into marriage life.
Our host, the marriage teacher
popularly known as Kungwi,
ushered us into a room. It was
not an ordinary room!
It is spacious with an
exceptionally soft and clean mat
with white cotton bed sheets
spread on one end. The curtains
are shinny and the lights tuned
to create a sense of relaxation.
This is an example of a bedroom
set up, what every woman is
supposed to have. But the bed
had been removed to create
more space for the exercise.
Crucial service
"The room should always be
neat," begins the Kungwi.
We were asked to remove our
shoes and sit on a mat. And on
another mat was the bride
sitting cross-legged. She has
been in that room for almost one
week being taught various
aspects of marriage life.
"She wants my services because
she is about to get married. She
has to be taught how to keep
her husband,"
explains the
teacher.
The room has many types of
lingerie. At the corner there was
a small container with several
beaded laces, razor blades, white
handkerchiefs among other items.
These items are used to make
her ripe for womanhood.
First, she was told to remove all
her clothes and wrap herself with
a khanga (lesso). She then sat on
the mat all ears to the Kungwi.
"You see this cooking stick and a
serving spoon, the former
symbolises a husband and the
latter the bride. Like these items,
the woman must always keep her
man and herself clean," she
added.
The bride was told that every
time a couple makes love, the
wife must prepare a bath for her
husband and herself.
Sensitive area
After that, the Kungwi took a
razor blade and taught the girl
how to shave her private area
and also how to shave her
husband saying it is a sensitive
area that can influence a man to
make a return trip or vanish. She
explained that while shaving, the
woman is supposed to utter
sweet words to the husband as a
way of expressing love, adding
that she should always be down
to earth, shave tenderly and
avoid being rough and hasty.
"Though some girls usually come
here while they have already
shaved, a virgin bride has to
take lessons on shaving. When a
man sees that your privates are
neat, he will respect you," she
said.
She then removed the white
handkerchief, unwrapped it and
showed her how to cleanse her
man immediately after making
love adding that the
handkerchiefs should always be
white.
The cleaning should also be more
of a massage, adding that a man
needs to be pampered and
treated like a child, saying that is
what �sets them ablaze�.
"This white handkerchief signifies
the art of love making. It�s
supposed to be on the bed every
time the couple goes to sleep.
One is advised to have several
because it should be cleaned and
dried in a hidden place
immediately after the event," she
explained.
The bride was then given beaded
laces. The teacher then tied them
on her waist and asked her not
to remove them because they
increase sex appeal. The Kungwi
said the laces are worn in pairs,
but one can put on more.
Sensual way
And after tying the laces, she
then showed her how to shake
her waist, adding the art was
everything that a man wanted.
She then demonstrated how to
do chakacha dancing in an inviting
and sensual way to boost the
man�s morale and the woman�s
physical appeal.
"I have to teach her how to
shake her waist because it�s
every man�s dream to have his
wife do it well. It makes him go
crazy," she added.
She said the laces should be
made of white beads and an
extra one with red beads to be
won when the woman is on
monthly periods.
"You don�t have to tell your man
that you are menstruating or let
him see sanitary towels to prove
you are not available for action.
We advise wives to wear laces
with red beads during that time
to caution the husband that the
waters have been stirred," said
the Kungwi.
The teacher also cautioned the
bride to be always attentive to
avoid being sent back home if she
failed in her duty.
"I have to be careful and teach
her everything. But the buck
stops with her because she has
to be attentive and practise lest
she faces the embarrassment of
being sent back to her parents.
No man wants a lazy wife
especially in the bedroom," she
said.
Wedding night
The bride, who got married on
Saturday, said she wanted the
services of the Kungwi to become
the best wife.
"In our tradition, we have to go
through this to avoid being a
failure in marriage," said the
bride.
She revealed she
had never slept
with her boyfriend and she had to be
ready for the wedding night.
"Though it is embarrassing to
remove all the clothes in front of
a stranger and practise every
move she shows you, its worth it
because I am now aware of what
I am supposed to do when I get
married," she adds.
Apart from the bedroom
etiquette, she was also taught
how to welcome and treat her
in-laws, house keeping and
managing family affairs.
"For one week, there are several
things that I am supposed to
teach her including cooking
sumptuous meals," she added.
The Kungwi has been doing this
job for the last ten years and
says she enjoys it knowing the
lessons have made many
marriages succeed. The 50-year-
old counsellor has helped brides in
Nairobi, Nakuru Lamu, Malindi and
even Tanzania.
She has taught many brides
after learning from her aunt
since she was 15. After Form
Four, she went into dressmaking
and later engaged in business
selling lessos, handbags and other
household goods. Marriage
counselling is her part time job
and a hobby.
But the lessons are not for free.
The family of the bride has to
pay Sh2,000 and three lessos.
She said that nowadays, most
clients are already aware of
some bedroom techniques.
"A few years back, brides were
very green. They now know a lot
due to exposure to movies and
pornographic material. But some
of that material is quite
misleading," she cautioned.
"Although few brides are virgins,
some parents find it wise to have
their daughters taught to fore-
stall trouble while in marriage,"
she concludes.
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